It takes a long time to be comfortable with yourself when you listen too much to others and want validation, acceptance and normativity. I'm not as straightforwardly heteronormative as I originally perceived myself to be, mostly cause I had the constant heteroromantic feelings that I feel for people (who I realize now seem to be few and I can count them on one hand) that it's confusing when people bombard me with expectations of children, family, a husband and all that. Things that I always inwardly cringe at but had a hard time expressing before for fear of people giving me the same "Why do you hate children?" talk or "No, you're just gay". And also the presence of aesthetic attraction that I confused with sexual attraction until someone actually explained the difference to me. I know what it's like to pretend to have the same leanings as other people, to wear a mask by having conversations in which I prove how much into the sex I am like everybody else. I'm good at overcompensating. Apparently any sexuality is more normal than not. I have a family member who's been very definitive about her aromantic asexuality
since she was 3. Who's never changed more than two decades later. But I couldn't relate to that either. I had to be in a position where I felt sexually threatened from someone I liked romantically ( for three years twisting myself into pretzels out of my own comfort zone to comply with his wants that didn't coincide with mine which likely contributed to the severe body image issues I'm having until now) before I had to realize that our orientations just did not match.
I am heteroromantic asexual(autochorissexual specifically)
and I personally don't have a problem with it. There was a sense of relief upon unloading that expectation on myself as well as finally coming to an understanding of why I can't relate to most of my friends in day to day life. But I can feel that part of me who wants my family to be pleased with me beating myself up for that identity. My parents never accepted the asexuality of someone who had been that way for always, still convinced she would change her mind until now. I don't think I'll ever really be able to be accepted for it since I've come to the conclusion after years of pretending to be more. I still haven't told my parents outright and I'm petrified telling my peers who have shown capacity to be extremely bigoted to LGBTQQIAP.
I'm still fighting that disappointment in myself because I'm very good at self-hatred. It took me this long to understand myself, that complete acceptance is probably gonna take even longer.